Contents.

This is what a (kind of) non shit Vegan's cupboard looks like. Cannot rid myself of the guilt...argh.

No, there's only one.

Best song. It was put on when we got home last night, at 5am, with a litre of Gin in my system. I love it when a song you already know catches you and just becomes a favourite for a while. I keep replaying it over and over...

I broke.

I am currently the worst vegan in the world ever. I ate a Maltesters Bunny. And other various shit chocolate. I need to shake off the dairy guilt. Forigve me, for I have sinned. It is so hard for me right now, chocolate is the only bit of comfort and happiness. How the fuck do other vegans cope with break ups, job hatred and debt?? Probs by being xposix. Not me.

Must get back on it. Don't judge me.

Soon.

Going to Barcelona again on March 12th-17th with my housemate, Hannah. It's my favourite place. It's gonna be the deal breaker on me moving there in September...

I plan on taking a million photograph's, partying, making friends, getting tattooed and coming back with a glow.

For every push forward, you get the same fucking push back.

Just about had enough. I need something good to happen, something that's gonna put my faith back in everything, something to look forward to. Of course, you'll say "only you can make that happen". Well fuck that, because if another person and circumstances that are outside of my control have got me into this fucking pit I'm in, then why am I expected to somehow pull myself out of it, just like that. Oh hi guys, I feel on top of the world. My heart's not broken anymore!

Erm no.

I'm nobodys baby...

I went out last night, after a series of false starts to leave the house with tears and anxiety attacks (this is becoming a recurring theme, a visit to Dr Danks is probably on the cards which means I'll also have to talk about my recent A&E visit, yay!) I needed to get wasted and I did, I was sick and couldn't leave my bed today, never mind the house. The merry-go-round was in full swing and I couldn't get off, I lay in the bath for about an hour this morning, just trying to make the stampede in my head to stop. Why do I do it to myself?

Anyway, I'm irritated about something. Why do men, sorry BOYS, feel it's within their right to touch you up and come onto you just because you have an ass and a pair of boobs? "Oh sorry love, can I just get past..." *aforementioned arse grope* *death stare from Thirkill* Sometimes, if he's really lucky he gets a punch upside the head as he minces away feeling really awesome. Pat on the back, lady killer.

Just fuck off you ponce. If I want to be touched, I will somehow achieve that without needing some V necked tit making me feel like I need to douse myself in bleach. Euch.

Been female can be a bit of a curse. I just wanted to get blind drunk, have a mosh to some Paramore and request Juicy five times only to have the student bastards choice of ironic 80's pop override my desire to show everybody I can rap the song start to finish.

TUT.

I wanna be with you everywhere...

I'm fed up of feeling so lame. I have no job and it doesn't seem like I will any time soon. I feel like everybody is too wrapped up in their own lives - and why shouldn't they be? I'd give anything to be that happy - to realise how bad a time I'm having. I know I'm feeling sorry for myself and sound full of self pity, but that's because I am, I fully do feel sorry for myself because I've been dealt the shittiest cards lately. I can't cope with the constant let-downs and false hope. I was so happy a few months ago, until it all got pulled from under me. Why are other people able to make decisions that affect your life a hundred times more than it does theirs? I have nothing to look forward to, I feel like a massive failure and like I'm completely alone in all of this. It's just never going to end.