It.

I wish I was your reason to stay. My insides turn when I think about it. I'm not built to cope with distance, insecurities and loneliness. I hate the thought of it. It's making me feel sick. Why do you "want to"? Do you consider me? I'm lay here feeling like I don't know where I stand, like I will never be important enough.
I can't tell you this. I don't even know if you read this. I'm writing it knowing I shouldn't and it will possibly madden you. What with me being such an OTT, emotional, despairing wreck at times. Okay, most of the time. I'd like to think its part of my appeal, but I know it's wearing thin if it ever was. I'm sorry that I can't deal with the prospect of you upping and leaving. I'm sorry I can't deal with the prospect of feeling like I have to start again, be by myself.
Would I ever be more than this? This is getting to me in a big way. I dreamt (nightmare) last night about it, I couldn't sleep until 3am, that you would pack everything in and take off. Just like that. And you never said bye.
I'm re evaluating everything. I'm hating everything. I'm rational right now. I'm calm.

I just don't want you to go. I don't want you to not be here, in my life. Mine?