Tall soya caramel latte please.

My boyfriend brought me back a zine called 'Coffee Shop Crushes' from his recent visit to Chicago and Florida. It's a collection of stories, some anonymous, about coffee shop romances (and mishaps). I love it, it's such an entertaining read which pulls at your heart because you relate to the stories. I like how there's comic strips too. It gets the mind wondering and of course had me thinking about my own coffee shop crush. Disastrous. I do like to get myself into these situations. How come when you 'want' something, three come along at once? Like buses, three 'crushes' came along... (I actually despise myself a little for using the word 'crush', but to hell with it. And I didn't WANT two of them, I didn't 'crush' on them really)

It would all have been fine and harmless, but I was actually really into one of them and it was pretty inevitable what was going to happen. It happened. It was no longer three ego boosting, flirts. He threw the others out of the equation in my mind.

What I'm getting is that one of the guys worked in a coffee shop (you know the one with the green and white logo?) I think every body's had a coffee shop crush. I'd go in nearly every morning for a soya latte as it was freezing cold, he'd give me a free coffee or discount, give me a little wink, you know how it goes. I guess I got off on the attention a bit? Though it turns out he's a bit weird and kept coming to my work on his bike, would stand there as if he was going to ask me out for a drink or whatever, but would just stand in silence almost. AWKWARD.

Anyway, it all went tits up when I ended up kissing coffee shop guy, whilst I was out with the guy I was REALLY into, whilst knowing there was another guy (also at this hardcore club night we were all at) who was interested. It was a stressful night. I felt awful and it was obviously just gross behaviour for me to be with THE guy, then to be dancing with coffee shop guy and kissing him (I'd like to add I was intoxicated and he threw himself at me a tad), then to be hanging out with other guy and friends. Slut.

I told THE guy, (who I went home with that night, of course) the next morning that I had kissed coffee shop guy and felt disgusting, shouldn't have happened, wasn't interested, blind drunk etc.

He was mad and I think he was close to calling it off - he told me later he was going to. Though we were only very casual at this point and it was early on, it was the whole "kissing somebody whilst I'm in the same room" thing which was the issue. We'd joked around with the, "Oh yeah, ha ha, you can fuck other girls/guys! I don't care, I'm too cool, I don't have emotion!" Which was really our insecurities crying out and wanting to say, "Please, just be mine for a little while? Tell me I'm the one you want".
(Why do people do that rather than just admitting how they feel?!)

I managed to redeem myself. Coffee shop guy has disappeared after the creepy waiting with his bike thing. He stopped giving me free coffee, maybe because I literally ran away from and avoided him for the rest of that night?! I consider the other guy a good friend, nothing more and we hang out with other friends every so often. We never 'flirted' anyway.

Oh and I'm with THE guy. He's my boyfriend. He forgave me for my sins. I like him.x.