Oh, changed my mind, again. I never do that (!)
I'm leaving for London on Saturday, my coach is at 11am from Leeds Bus Station (I'd like to see Les Dennis in there again, last time I went to London with Sophie C and Becky, we saw him with a baby? As if he isn't past the age of sperm production?!) I don't know why I felt the need to give exact details, I guess it makes it final. I cried when I printed off my e-ticket today. I'm starting Uni on Monday, induction week...boring. Staying in South East London for now with a friend of a friend, I can tell he's going to look after me and he's putting himself out for me. Nice to know the world does have good people in, willing to go that extra bit further. Maybe faith can slowly be restored?
I have a huge mixture of emotions going on, I keep getting waves of excitement, only to be followed by "shit". I am having complete nervous anxiety attacks, but they go as quickly as they came. I am taking in things more, like walking to the bus stop in Leeds, I find myself looking around, as if I'm burning it in, so I won't forget. So silly.
I would never be going if it wasn't for him, maybe in a few months time I'll think of that in a positive way, as in he did me a favour. For now I feel like I want to scream at him, scream what I don't know. Alas, I don't even have the energy to want to speak to him. I hate him for hurting me, but I miss him every day.
I'm doing something big and scary, all for myself. What else can I do? Stay here, in a rut, been reminded constantly of what could have been. At least I can say I've tried rather than I could have.
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